Could you guess which actual piece of news inspired each of these?
Should the Crows Stop the Fight?
Yesterday, the Yugoslavian crow council held a special meeting about a request presented by the United Crow Nations and referring to a cease-fire in the region.
The meeting occurred around an informal lunch with a continental menu set by Crowy n' Food, the well known caterer. Anyone there enjoyed the refined ground warms, sauté with a bay juice, and decorated with some red berries, a bowl of grape juice accompanied this wonderful dish.
For desert, Mr. Crowy himself baked a specialty called Crowy's Puff, but we were not told any more than the name.
The crow council debated of many subjects, like the allergy to worms developed lately by the president's children, or the new vacant secretary position that someone's daughter could take, and so many other vital questions were raised: the color of the new flag and the new national anthem, and how many feathers could a military crow obtain within the first year if conscription.
The council was about to be dismissed when one of the ministers talked about the war. Every official crow looked at him with an irritated glaze on their face.
A few minutes later, the president gave his statement. We are not so sure of the outcome of the discussions, but the sound of artillery behind our news agency seems to be dimmer than this morning.
The King Lion is no More
The African King Lion unfortunately passed away last Sunday. In his last demand, he whispered that he wanted all his lionesses to jump into the fire at the very moment of his death.
Since nobody was present when the mighty Lion gave his last breath, it was uncertain when the lionesses should jump to their death, so, in the public panic and despair following the loss of their leader, the ministers gave out the order that the old King Lion's partners should be jailed until a proper decision was made.
Two days later, the new King Lion ordered the old King Lion's partners to be stoned, since it was too late to jump into the fire.
The sentence will be carried out in the afternoon. Stone stalls will be set up all around the market place and a special concert featuring the pop group "The Lion Hearts" will be held.
Buy your tickets and your stone vouchers from the den #31.
Danger on the Catwalk, Racism Made Public
Sira, a well known five-year old persian cat recently immigrated in the US, was going home after visiting his girlfriend, on Monday night.
He was apparently walking graciously on the palisade along the main street when a four-member cat gang surrounded him. They forced him to follow them, by promising him some special fish treat, which everyone knows, Sira relishes.
Tempted by their proposal, he followed them.
There were no witnesses to tell us what happened next, but Sira was found by the cat patrol on Tuesday morning. Only his girlfriend lovely pink ribbon could be recognized around his neck and even though it was stained with blood, she was positive when asked to identify the remaining parts of Sira's body.
The cat patrol is working on collecting details to try understand what happened on Monday night. All we know now is that Sira's body was literally torn apart, obviously by a few fellow cats, as their claws marks are everywhere, he was dragged on the ground, as proven by the dirt infiltrated in his many wounds. How could we imagine any motive for such an act? Jalousie, envy, or delinquency? Maybe a mixture of it all?
Corn picking Competition Turns Rotten
Saturday, after the UK national corn picking competition ended in euphoria, a fight broke out just outside the competition grounds between the Red Roosters' and the Cock and Queens' supporters.
Despite the calling and screaming of all the hens and chickens that were present on the scene there was no way to stop the roosters fighting and pecking each other on the sidewalk.
It was only when one of the attacked lay motionless on the ground, his feathers stained with blood, that the angry but satisfied roosters returned to their crying, frustrated and useless females, leading the way home, straightening up their comb, flickering the dust from their plumage with a disgusted look in their eyes.
It was not said why the fight broke out, but there is undoubtedly a good reason for a rooster to wish the death of another one of his kind.
The wounded rooster, whose presence, we were told, was merely of protection purpose, is unfortunately in a very serious condition in a nearby farmyard